Pictures

All my pictures are finally all on the same computer!  The past 6 and a half years are finally together showing our history throughout the years.  So much time has passed but nothing has stayed the same.  We have been through ups and downs.  We have been many places together and the pictures say a lot.  We are full of life and have enjoyed many things.   Although time has passed our faces are still the same.  Just a few more lines, a few more wrinkles nothing really different.  I love pictures and I love the history and the lives that they tell you the people lead. 

LAS VEGAS, BABY

Yes, I have been talking about getting out on the open road and leaving this place that I call home and it is finally going to happen in 2 weeks!!!  We were watching "Pawn Stars" and I told Bill that I was ready I didn't care if we would only spend 2 hours in Vegas I was ready to go.  Bill had been wanting to take a road trip there for the weekend which sounds all great and good but with a 17 hour car ride there and then another 17 hour drive back it doesn't leave that much time to do anything in just a weekends time and he and I were thinking a trip in December not August.  So I broke down which I think that it made him break down saying that we could go on our vacation time this month.  I kept going back and forth, I'm sure he was too, about using our vacation time away from our undone house but it is a much needed vacation away from the area.  We have our destination, hotel, and dates we are leaving and coming back.  We are of course going to Vegas, staying at Treasure Island, and leaving the 12th.  I AM SO STOKED.

Niki and Jake

No it's not Haystack Rock.  It's down in Pacific City not Cannon Beach.

Isn't she beautiful!!!

There's Jake and Niki.  What a great wedding!!  Just very windy.

My Niece and I

Bill and I went to our cousins wedding today and Elle and I hung out and took some great pictures.  It was a great wedding and a lot of fun.

Motivation

How do you find motivation?  Motivation - desire to do; interest or drive.  Do you think that you are born with it or do you think that you can learn it.  I'm struggling to find out where my motivation lies.  I'm trying to find out what I'm excited about and to get me motivated to doing something with my life.  I'm thinking that I can learn it but I'm trying to figure out how.  How do you learn motivation?  Do you consistently tell yourself that you are motivated, that you love to do something so much that you do it without thought?  Who knows but I'm on a quest to find out.  I will let you know, maybe as long as I can find it.  Haha. 

Our Home

Our home.  It's getting closer and closer to being done.  I know that the projects will never actually be done but at least the ones this year will be.  I'm hoping in August they will all get complete and we will move onto the inside of the house.  Floors, Countertops, Bathroom.  Next summer I hope to put in our Fire pit that we are going to make.  I know that it seems that it would be something easy to do but we want a brick pad, the pit and then chairs around it.  It will look really nice I think.  Its so much fun to be able to do it all things that we want to do with the house.  Pictures of course will come as things are getting done.

Battle Between Heart and Mind

All my brain and heart do is contradict each other.  Speaking the same language but being different at the same time.  Believing the same things but having a hard time with what each say.  It's so difficult to know that God is there and miracles happen when for 6 years nothing has happened.  However I'm pretty sure I know why.  My heart has been guarded in a way so that I don't get hurt.  Which in a way it's hurt all the time.  For some reason I know what I need to do but my heart can't give in, to open up.  To completely let go, to give it all up to God.  I don't know what my first step should be.  I don't know where to start.  Just talking with God.  Reading the Bible.  I know with all my heart and mind what I should do, to give it up to God.  I'm angry and heart broken thinking that things happen to the people in the Bible and hoping that it would happen to me but never having it happening.  My heart just can't believe can't hope anymore.  I NEED to let it go but I'm not sure of the steps that I should take.  It's so much easier to write about this then to ever talk about it with someone, with Pastor.  I've talked about it with Bill but I can't anymore.  I feel like I always talk about it.  I'm so happy though that Bill and I have started the adoption/fostering process but I so wanted with all my heart to have my own kids.  To know the feeling that everyone else has been able to feel.  To anyone that reads this and has kids don't take for granted that you were able to have children and get pregnant easily or hard.  It is like no other to want it so badly and not be able to.

Escape

I want to go travelling.  I really want to go travelling.  I really, really want to go travelling.  Really I want to escape.  I so want to sell our house and just leave.  Take on all my fears of travelling world wide and just go.  Experience life to the fullest.  I would so love to go to a foriegn country and help with any type of needs that they have.  I'm just done with here for the moment in time.  I'm ready for a break and I hope that our August vacation proves to be fun and maybe even a trip if I can convince Bill.  I will I'm sure have pictures of whatever happens and whatever we do.  I'm just ready and waiting. 

Nose Bleeds

So for the last month and a half I have been suffering from nose bleeds.  I have had 10 nose bleeds in that month and a half.  It started at work one day and hasn't stopped.  For at weird moments it comes on.  At work, in the car before work, heading out to Portland, coming home from Portland, and lastly lots at home.  I went to the doctor a couple of weeks ago and she couldn't find anything wrong so she sent me to a specialist.  I saw the specialist today and this is my last time going.  Not a fun experience.  He was a great doctor but it hurt.  He took his tools (Nose devious and a suction tube) and stuck the nose devious seeing thing, sorry don't know the name, up my good nostril and said that looks great and then moved to my not so good nostril.  Then he took his suction tube while the other thing was up my nose and sucked stuff out trying to find the blood vessel.  You guessed it.  He found it.  Once he found it he stuffed some cotton anesthetic up my nose.  Very weird feeling let me tell you.  He then put a cloth on my upper lip right under my nose.  He asked for my hand and then when I didn't give him the right had he asked for the other had and then he apparently didn't like that had and asked for my other hand.  So confusing when I only have two hands.  Finally he got the hands that he wanted in the correct spots.  One on the cloth on my lips and one squeezing my nose.  After a few minutes he took the cotton anesthetic (supposed to numb the pain) out of my nose also weird feeling.  Then he took a cauterizing stick and stuffed it in my nose where the blood vessel was.  He was pressing so hard that it almost brought me to tears.  I'm not sure I pressed hard enough because it hurt.  Definitely don't want to go back.  It hopefully will be healed in 2 weeks.  Yay!!!  If not I'm still not going back. 

Eco, Green, Organic...*Eye Roll*

I'm so tired of hearing the words eco, green, organic.  People just throw the word around to sell things to make people change the way they think.  Granted I know things are most likely getting better by having them more economically made but I don't need to hear about it every time I go to the store.  It makes me not want to buy things that are probably better because that is the way everything is advertised.  If people say that I should get something because of a specific reason it makes me not want to buy it.  It's like have my mom telling me not to do something so I do it just out of spite.  So if they stopped mentioning the words I would be much happier.  I like not being in the know.  I guess I also feel this way because the world is already dieing and has been since Adam and Eve ate the apple.  I'm not to concerned with the world.  I know that God is with us and watching over us seeing everything that we do and already knows where it is heading.   I know a lot of people think that I'm an awful person but I have never cared and probably never will care.  However, if it comes to saving money I'm completely fine with that but I don't care if it's labeled as green or eco-friendly.  Yes it's my rant.  I'm watching a show on all eco-friendly things that are being done and I could care less.  My eyes are rolling as they are talking so I thought I would blog about it.

Fireplace and Outside Lights

Our fireplace is in.  Not hooked up to propane but in its spot in the wall.  Of course we need to still put in the dry wall around it and the tile and the....yes finish the whole thing but it's in it's place.

The pictures below are our new outside lights.  We have two up right now and then we will have one more on the other side of the garage.  Also we will have two smaller ones out back on our porch.  Everything is slowly coming together and feels so nice to be finally be getting done instead of me just talking about it all the time!!

4th of July

Bill and I every year try to go to the firework show on the beach.  I have loved every year that I have gone.  Bill has been on the fire department most years so I usually meet up with him somewhere on the line that he has to guard so no one walks under it.  This year like the rest was fantastic.  I got some iffy pictures, some ok pictures, one picture only I like and understand, and one fantastic picture.  The only thing that I don't like are all the people on the roads.  Not fun.  Oh well that's life.

My Home

Bill and I moved into our home 6 and a half years ago.  However for Bill it's more like 7 years ago.  It was built in the 70's by his uncle and cousins.  It has never been lived in besides family.  When Bill's step grandpa died the house became Bill's parents and then became ours (buying it from them).  It was majoring in needing of updating pure 70's joy was the house.  The wall's were white, the floor was blue, the linoleum is brown and cream, there was yellow glass on the door, and all the counter tops are yellow or white with yellow and gold flecks.  Yes pure 70's.  Before we moved in though the carpets were changed from blue to a creamish flecked blue, red color.  Not the best but a whole lot better.  The past 3 years we have been making changes slowly.  I painted the house in blues, tans, reds, greens, white, and black.  We have changed the water heater, the washer and dryer, and other small odds and ends.  The beginning of the year we started the bigger process of our home remodel.  Slowly making our purchases like a new fireplace, dishwasher, and tile.  Then two weeks ago we started making our bigger purchases like the siding for the house, fence posts, cedar fencing, front door, I would say new windows but my parents were kind enough to pay for the windows for us.  However, this week has been a crazy whirlwind of things happening.  We got the new windows in, the front door in, the front siding done, and almost all of the fence complete.  Amazing isn't it.  We had my parents, a couple of friends of my parents, and us doing all the changes.  The 6 of us worked as a great team working together with ease and great ability (I'm not really included.  I just did as I was told.)  The house looks 100% better then it used to, not as 70ish.  I hope that you enjoy some of the pictures I have taken over the past weekend.