The Unusual Truth

I've thought about this quite a bit lately.  It's one of those things and times of the year that I hate.  I do mean HATE.  I usually don't say that I hate anything but this is something that bothers me beyond belief. 

"I HATE mothers day."  

It is not because I don't love my mom and grandmothers because I absolutely love them and can't imagine my life without any of them (don't worry I still call and say happy mothers day - I'm not an awful daughter).  I hate mother's day because it is the ultimate reminder that I am NOT a mother.  Maybe one day but that time is slowly passing away.  I don't think that it will happen, truly.

Circumstances are not the best.  Bill and I can't have kids because he doesn't have swimmers.  Then Bill's dad got diagnosed with ALS.  The past 9 years has finally made sense of why it has never happened.  I have been waiting for God to show me why my life was going to be so different from everyone elses that I know.  It only took 9 years.  Which in Gods time frame is a blink of an eye, in my time frame it seems like a lifetime of constant heartbreak.  I have come to terms with it finally realizing the "why" and it has made me feel a little better.  I'm finally really working on my relationship with God again.  Which is awesome.  It has been a tough 9 years and will continue to be.  It will always be something that I will constant be thinking about.  Who knows what's going to happen in the next 5 years but I'm focusing on me and trying to draw strength from God.  For all the mothers out there truly I wish you a happy mothers day.  I just wish there is a happy wife only day.  Haha...that would be a funny day.