You Are Every Where To Me

You ever have a feeling that you are being watched. Of course if you are a girl it comes very naturally to have that feeling but its not the stalker or creeper that I'm referring to. I'm referring to a higher authority, you know the one up in the sky. I have been going through some roughness lately but I think that I'm coming up through the other side. Through the fog to the sunshine. I constantly have the feeling that I'm being watched by God and I've been disappointing him. Well maybe not disappointment but something like that.

You can just hear Gods voice in your head when you aren't doing something that you are supposed to be doing or Gods voice saying "come back to me, share things with me. I can help you, I promise. Just unburden yourself to me. Lean on me." Lately for the past year I've been hearing those things but I was so angry at him that I just couldn't do it even though I truly wanted to. I'm beginning to think that there are things out there that are so much bigger then I am and why am I trying to hold onto things and telling God what I most truly want and that he needs to give it to me when he already knows and is just waiting for me to give up my vulcan death grip hold on it and just give it to him. I'm releasing it to him and just praying that something good and exciting will happen in my life. I have so many plans for my life right now and hoping that just some of them will come true but we will see what God has planned for me. That's the hardest thing for me is to know that things change (the things that I want most in life), plans change and quite frequently they change but always to the better. In high school I was planning on going to Mt. Hood Community College and instead he changed my mind and I went to Ecola and I found my perfect husband which is much better then anything that I could have ever hoped for. It became a much better thing for me.

I just always need to remember and keep in my heart that He is there, always will be there, and will never leave me in my times of need. This part of my life is the hardest that I've ever had to deal with and I will survive by the grace of God I will survive!!